Back in 2020 while the world was on lockdown due to the pandemic, I was going through the fight of my life. I found myself alone in the hospital getting scans, blood work, and a biopsy. By June of that year, I was undergoing treatment for lymphoma and watching my hair fall out in clumps.
While it was a hard time, I found comfort in knowing we were all going through some of the most difficult moments of our lives. Everyone had hit pause except for our health care providers and emergency personnel. I used the time to connect with myself, with God, and with nature. And it led me down a road that ended with me head over heels in love with Florida.
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My Hate for Florida
I know *hate* is a strong word, but it’s really the best one to describe how I felt about Florida. I grew up in the Sunshine State, moving here when I was 4 years old and leaving at age 22 vowing to never return.
Twenty-two year old me had spent a lifetime fighting the humidity to keep my hair under control, avoiding tourists, annoyed with retirees driving slowly and listening to my dad as he angrily tried to rid his pool cage of pine needles by spraying water at them.
The reality was that I just felt trapped here. Aside from all those selfish teen and young adult emotions, I really just needed a place that I felt I could call home and where I could actually become the person I was meant to be. I was determined that being able to wear flip flops all year long and riding out hurricanes was not what I wanted in life and that it was holding me back.
But digging even deeper, it was all about leaving what I felt was a controlling home and becoming Jessica.
So I left.
I was gone for 10 years, settling in NW Georgia. I made new friends, got married, had kids, landed some important jobs. It was the place where I became an adult and my own person. It was a place I could see myself growing old in.
After having kids though, I realized I needed support and came back to Florida. I was embarrassed to say the least. I really had sworn to never return and then here I was, back. And not only did I move back to my home state, but I moved back to the very city I had grown up in.
I lasted here for about 2 years. During this time, I began to ease up on Florida, appreciating the wildness of the place and enjoying wearing the flip flops I used to hate. I thought I would be here forever, but then my grandmother died.
I left again, this time to RV full-time. I kept my Florida residency, but only came back home for holidays.
In 2019, we decided to come back home to ride out the winter as snowbirds, but we never ended up leaving.
The pandemic hit.
I was diagnosed with cancer.
And my whole life changed.
How I Fell for Florida
My heart had already softened for Florida by the time I was diagnosed with cancer, but with each passing day of my treatment and healing, I fell deeper and deeper in love.
During my treatment, I spent as much time out in nature as possible. Sometimes I was too weak to do anything more than sit in a chair at the window, other days I was able to take a short walk.
I was blessed to be staying on my parents’ 5 wooded acres, with wild turkeys passing through everyday and hawks hunting from tree tops. When I was outside I could hear the sway of the trees and feel the wind on my skin.
Sometimes I would walk around on the property just to hear the crunch of branches and leaves under my feet. It was quiet and meditative.
Florida was the place where I prayed and worshipped.
It was the place where I found so much life flourishing in the wild. Life that I connected to. Life that gave me hope. It was where I saw what God created.
It was also so beautiful and green and fresh.
Florida is full of lakes and ponds and springs, literally the sources of life.
When I was done with chemo, Florida became the place that welcomed me onto its trails and waterways. It’s the place where I took my first swims after my port was removed.
Florida nature was where I grew strong. It was where I gently pushed my body after months of being weak. It’s where I paddleboarded for the first time.
Florida became the place where I healed. It became a part of me.
Where Do I Go from Here?
My love for Florida fueled my Walk and Paddle journey, but it has awakened something in me that I didn’t know was there: a spirit of advocacy. It’s helped me take the next step into defending and speaking up for Florida.
I joined the Florida Springs Council as part of its Communications Advisory Board, and I became the secretary for the Florida Black Bear Scenic Byway. These roles make me want to stay connected to environmental issues.
I imagine my love affair with Florida will only grow as the years pass.
Even if I leave again, there will always be a part of me that is connected to Florida.
